After reading a recent article on the Watchuseek website titled, “7 Must-Have Items This Watchuseek Editor Packs for Baselworld” I realized just how few of these pieces were written for or by someone like me (you know, someone with girlie parts and built-in baby feeders), even though there are a shit-ton of us womenfolk who attend Baselworld, largely at our own expense. That’s when I decided it was time to speak up and throw down as it pertains to how just how much more crap we gals need to take to Switzerland in comparison with you guys. I probably could have included twenty more items but I don’t get paid for this blog so why in the hell would I, amiright ladies? Anyway, here are the ten things you’ll find in my suitcase once you move that dead body clothes steamer out of the way.
High Heels (an entire suitcase full)
While some of my female colleagues (and haters) might bark, scoff, roll their eyes, or harrumph at this “essential,” it has been proven time and time again that the taller you are, the more money you make. Most recently, a 2016 study published in the British Medical Journal showed that “High BMI and short stature, as estimated by genetics, are casually related to lower socioeconomic status”, and while high heels aren’t genetically applied (but rather, vainly worn), they most definitely help a person appear larger in life than they are. At 5’9.5” in stocking feet, it’s clear to say that I’m pretty tall as it is even without the heels, but there will be nothing more satisfying to me this week than standing at the Hublot booth during their press conference and being able to clearly see Martin Gore of Depeche Mode as I look over the tops of the many male heads (and beards. And glasses.) in front of me.
ERMAGERD! YOU MEAN GIRLS USE THESE, TOO? Damn right we f*cking use these, and we didn’t pick ours up from Marshall’s, either. But the one I’m taking with me this year holds a very special meaning. I just so happen live in one of the best suburbs in the United States as named by several prominent news publications: Decatur, GA. What makes Decatur so great? Well, for one thing, it’s chill AF. It also happens to be home to many of the doctors and educators at Emory University, Agnes Scott College, the CDC, and more. It has the best public school system in the state of Georgia and holds one of the country’s largest book fairs. It’s a blue city that’s smart, creative, and artistic, despite the fact that it’s surrounded by the original characters of Deliverance. Clearly I’m being hyperbolic but the reality is, Decatur is awesome, and part of what makes it so cool is a jewelry store by the name of Worthmore.
Worthmore has two locations – Decatur, and also Midtown – and they have never followed the crowd when it comes to what a traditional jewelry store is supposed to look and act like. Their staff is fun and friendly, and they do their research as it pertains to the jewelry they carry and the watches they offer. This week as I stopped into get a battery on an old Seiko changed, Harris and Leslie welcomed me with open arms and gifted me with a gorgeous leather watch roll created by local designer, Jenae Roseen. I took it home and quickly filled it with the watches I’d be taking with me. Thanks, y’all!
Take it from a woman who can’t run a Power Point presentation during a seminar without accidentally throwing the clicker across the room and smashing it to bits: a backup phone is necessary. But besides the fact that I will likely somehow shatter the screen on my primary mobile phone (and have in the past because FML), a backup phone is a good way to take and store video for post-show social media without having to use the storage space on your everyday device – that is, if you’re a poor freelance writer like I am who can’t afford to hire an entire team of Swiss guys to follow me around and shoot video… of watches, pervs.
Sixty Swiss Francs
BECAUSE YOU WON’T GET A LOCKER IF YOU DON’T HAVE CASH. THIS, I KNOW.
Framed Picture of You and Your Watch Crush
You know you have a watch crush and you know you have that one picture ever taken of the two of you that you secretly stuff in your carry on (you wouldn’t dare dream of putting it in a checked bag for fear of being caught) so that the first thing you do when you arrive in your shitty Air BnB magnificent hotel room is place it on the cardboard box next to the cot night stand. (((Cough))) (((Charris))) (((Cough)))
Printed Copy of Your Appointment Schedule
I don’t care how reliable you believe technology to be, nothing will ever take the place of a good old-fashioned, color-coded, printed excel spreadsheet just in case that primary phone we talked about above (including the calendar app you use) happens to get thrown into the Rhine during a particularly raucous departure from Les Trois Rois that may or may not involve a bagpiper, fake blood, and/or your friend Sophy.
This is the Swiss we’re talking about, and if you don’t know, the Swiss kiss three times, so those lips are going to be put to more use than they were during the summer of your tenth grade year when you first started playing, “Spin the Bottle” and Jimmy McMaster figured out how to get it to land on you every. G*d. Damned. Time. I personally wear Yves Saint Laurent’s lip stain but the L’oreal versions work pretty well, too.
Phone chargers, portable chargers, camera chargers, the San Diego Chargers, TAKE THEM ALL, PEOPLE, ‘cause you’re gonna need ‘em.
A Single Hermes Scarf
You could be wearing a suit you found in the back of your storage unit that you purchased from a thrift store when a Bush was president (pick one… doesn’t matter which) and you’ll still look like a million francs as long as you’re adorned in something Hermes. I always go with a scarf because it can double as a pocket square or triple as a hair tie, plus the folks in the Hermes booth told me how much they appreciate the free advertising. Maybe. They said it in French so it was either that or they asked me for directions to the nearest Starbucks.
Your Ability to Not Take Yourself So Seriously
Look, we all get that watches are serious business, okay? We get it. They’re expensive, they take time – sometimes years – to develop and manufacture properly, and they’ll last you and your offspring generations if you service and take care of them in the appropriate way, but just because something fits the above standards doesn’t mean that it can’t be fun, too. And just because someone is Swiss doesn’t mean they can’t laugh. I know. I’ve seen it happen at least once or twice. So remember to allow yourself moments of lightheartedness as you dress in your Europeanesque best and walk miles per day through the grandeur that is Baselworld, because any world that can’t also be poked fun at isn’t a world any of us should want to be a part of.